The JD Salinger of SLS

Editor's Note: Due to wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff, I now give you Soren's interview with Joseph, Hoboken's Heroes' composer/animator/prankster extraordinaire. 


So, Joseph, as someone who can use minute pressure variations in the air to cause people to feel, joy, despair, I think the first thing we’d all like to know is: are you a wizard?

I am not a wizard unfortunately. Merely an expert at meticulous, methodical, matter and (e)motional manipulation. 


As is sort of tradition for these sorts of interviews, I like to ask about how you met the other members of Stage Left Studios. But as an interviewer who doesn’t care about his audience’s curiosity, is pretty sure you just met Max as a student in the drama department he worked for, please use at least 50% lies during the recounting of this tail to make it more interesting.

It was a dark and storm night when I was approached by Max to complete a task so monumental, that it boggled the mind to consider it. So for three days and twelve nights I slaved over the computer to complete the task down to the most minute detailing. After slaying the fearsome dragon that randomly appeared over Charlottesville, I completed my task of adding all of the non-dialogue audio into a scene from the Stage Left Studios production of Hamlet. It was then that Stage Left Studios was deemed worth to enter my schedule. 


How did you get into music?  What was your first instrument?

Presumably my first instrument was banging pots and pans together, but more accurately it was the piano. I got into music because I liked the way it sounded. And the fact that I could annoy people much easier if I just played the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.... again.  


Let’s mix things up with a philosophic hypothetical: let’s say you have two sons, one strong, the other weak.  You have enough money to send one of them to be educated.  But you know that on the way to this school they will encounter a glass enclosure filled with horses.  And as such, you’d agree the girlfriend of one of these sons following us on tumblr wouldn’t really constitute having a “community.”

To quote Max Krembs, "ocelots". And to respond to your non-existent question, I would direct you to perhaps communicate with your community better.


Speaking of hypotheticals, suppose I could retroactively edit the answer of any previous staff member’s interview for the low price of 79 cents, which would you like to edit?

I would edit Soren's to include the phrases "I love horses more than anything else" and "A community of one is still a community and I owe them all that I can do."


How do you plan to leverage your job as composer / head animator for Stage Left Studios to assist in your long term goal of becoming the first person actively employed by Wendy’s, to win a Nobel prize.

I didn't know I was head animator. I don't get paid enough for this.